There is a clear difference between basic emotion and heart-centered emotion. Basic emotion affects everything that pertains to our physical reality while heart-centered emotion radiates a state of unconditional consciousness. Heart-centered emotion flows through the heart and is present at all times regardless of the circumstances. This heart-centered emotion is a supreme state of mind and it is called unconditional love. Only unconditional love does not turn to hate or anger when things go wrong.
Loving unconditionally is loving without prejudice and without the need for instant gratification. Are you able to tolerate, support and accept your partner above the cares of daily reality? To be able to express unconditional love one must learn to develop adaptability and beauty from within. When we are able to tolerate, to support and to accept our partner we are expressing beauty from within. Whereas when there is no communication and complete understanding between two people there is no real friendship and without real friendship there can not be true love.
When people understand the true meaning of friendship, respect and regard in their marital, parental and all other relationships, they will never become abusive with each other or hurt themselves in any other way. You see, right behavior is also an art therefore unless we learn the art of right behavior, we are forever doomed to experience love through the lowest form of basic emotion.
Heart-centered emotion does not rob us of our peace of mind when we disapprove of the behavior of another. It gives us the strength to remain mentally calm and to hold our tongue when we are irritated by another. We could never accomplish this through basic emotion. Under the spell of basic emotion people want to change the whole world! But no one likes to have advice forced upon him or her. The person who gives advice under the effects of basic emotion is usually full of platitudes or lip service himself.
The only positive way to change another is by becoming an example of what you want others to be. A person who is inclined to speak harshly, to lose his or her temper, to scold the children unreasonably and who gets nervous and speaks unkindly should make the effort to make himself or herself a person who is respected, a person whose words carries weight. If you are tense and nervous around your husband, wife or children, they will react and behave in the same way. Does this ring a bell? You must change yourself first!
One day, a friend of mine — a very successful professional came to me and said, “I am so upset; I am having trouble with my employees. I often speak unkind words to them. What am I to do?” “Do you want me to say what you hope to hear or do you want the truth?” He asked for the truth. “All right,” I said, “you are a tyrant not only with your employees but you have the same reputation in your home as well. How can anyone love and respect you when you hold a whip over them?
As a result you do not get the work or cooperation that you could. Everyday take a little time to relax. Pretend that in the next minute or so your whole life will be snuffed away or better yet pretend you are already dead. Trust me, you will find the experiment most interesting.” A couple of years later, everyone including his wife said he was a different man; so much patient and calmer with them and there is more peace and harmony among them.
When an effort is made to conquer basic emotion the payoff is great. When one learns to behave with heart-centered emotion love does not turn to hate or anger when things go wrong. Therein we can live and create a companionship and understanding which will gradually begin to reflect in our relationships with our spouses, our family, our community and the whole world. Love can only turn to hate and anger when it is not true love. True lovers enjoy it! From the teachings of Da Ma.
