Some of the most miserable people in the world are those who are in and out of multiple marriages. One of the worst sufferings that the soul can know is a bruised heart from disappointment in one’s chosen partner. They never know what real friendship or real love is. Rather than making a sincere effort to mature spiritually and develop in themselves the soul qualities required to get along with another person, they find it easier simply to change their partner!
So many go through that, and it is tragic. But this need not occur if you take time in the very beginning and look for the right qualities in a partner, work on developing those qualities in yourself, and pray for God’s help and guidance in making the right choice.
The Spiritual Master always urged that person wanting to marry first get to know each other for a period of at least one year. During that time they should cultivate a foundation of divine friendship without a sexual relationship—a friendship based on respect for each other as souls, shared social interests and spiritual goals, and the desire to help and serve and be loyal to one another for life.
This is a very wise approach, because, as the saying goes, love is blind; and sometimes when two people make up their minds to marry, they are really blind. They are carried away by physical or emotional attraction and do not take into account whether there is any deeper affinity between their minds, hearts, and souls. When superficial attraction wanes, or is supplanted by a new attraction to someone else, there is nothing to keep that relationship alive.
Marriage is seen as part of a four fold plan for a God-centered life— a sacred commitment in which the selfish human love of each partner may be purified and expanded into unconditional love through caring and sacrificing for each other and their children. The ideal is that husband and wife should each respect the other as a divine friend and soul-companion in the mutual endeavor to live by dharma, God’s righteous laws that govern man’s well-being. That is the environment in which true love—love between souls grows.
But in human relationships, the wrong attitude to be guarded against is possessiveness. When there is possessiveness, when one partner jealously holds on to the other, this gradually suffocates real love. You can know that your love is turning into an unhealthy attachment if you find that you cannot let that person out of your sight, or that you are demanding from him or her undue attention, or if you are constantly questioning or doubting that person, no one can tolerate that. The person will start to feel, “I love him (or her), but I can’t stand to be held down like this.”
No one wants to feel controlled by another; everyone wants freedom and to feel that they are trusted and loved. As you yourself want freedom, keep in mind that your partner wants it too. Is it okay to marry a non-spiritual person? Do so at your own risk. “No, here’s why, there are many qualifications to consider before tying the knot. The most important one for an ideal marriage is if neither one is spiritual, man nor woman you should not marry that person; you will not be loved.” Love is not a human quality but God himself. When you feel love for your mate you have allowed God to flow through you at that moment; it is He who loves your mate, it is He who loves all people
Many people think it unnecessary to analyze what love really is. The mistake for the romantically involved is to marry on a physical impulse. As they become excited their senses peak and they mistake the pleasure of the senses for real love and are misled. When you marry for good looks, the beauty or sexual attraction soon part when the allurement dims the good looks wane and guess what? The pretty face gets boring and can look ugly. There are many wrong reasons to marry. What do common interests, marring for money, arranged marriages or climbing the social ladder have to do with love?From The Teachings of Yogananda.
