The average worldly person may find these rules either too lofty or difficult to follow, but these ideals are what works. There are ideal laws for married life and understanding these laws can prevent a broken heart and shattered dreams. There is a moral plan of behavior for the husband and the wife.
Are there infallible ways to keep your husband or wife loyal? This is not a simple business so before you even consider getting married a little test should be carried out under favorable conditions in a relaxed atmosphere conducive to natural behavior. If the person is aware of being “tested” then trickery will be suspected and the experiment will have no value on that basis. Your prospective mate should be introduced to your social activities and your area of work to make sure he or she is in accord with all of your ideals and habits to see if it fits in with his or her temperament, principles and goals.
Every person attracts others based on the totality of their psychological temperament gathered as effects from past and present actions. A man who lived predominantly on the sexual plane in the past and in the present, it is almost guaranteed he will attract a female of comparable feelings and the same applies to a woman. In life we do get what we deserve. A man’s lower desires and vibrations should never be built around a woman and vice versa. If you do not find a spiritual partner, do not get married as you will not be loved, period.
There is one secret in protecting and sustaining marital life and that is the capacity to use self-control. By learning to live and love more on the spiritual plane rather than thinking and living constantly on the physical plane you will begin to connect as loving friends. You will achieve a great victory if you can keep your mate respectful, loving and inwardly loyal to you.
Ideal Laws For Sustaining Loyalty in Married Life
Plan of Moral Behavior for the Husband
The ideal husband who aspires to keep his life companion loving and loyal
should endeavor to live by the following principles: Never let your wife think you have trade-marked her as your possession or that you feel you own her. Help her to feel that you are thankful to have whatever is given from her should learn to appreciate and respect her friends and entrust in her the freedom to select her own female friends. Never offend or insult her parents.
Never forget her birthday and provide presents of articles that she needs that demonstrate your caring instead of creating a state of opulence. Never use foul language to your wife. Never lie to her. Never argue with you wife, particularly in front of others. Never be harsh or use cruel language, but always use kind language in its place. Never be jealous of your wife. Never make her life miserable by being a nag. If you can’t keep your
wife’s interest by love, nothing else can hold it. Never insult or be sarcastic to her ever. Always address your wife sweetly and with attention and dignity being chivalrous at all times and by remembering to thank her for her kindness. Do not wear out your welcome by spending all of your time with her. Keep your spiritual life deep and your home life simple.
So she will spend wisely give her economic responsibilities. Encourage her to spend less for luxuries and save more for your children, for herself and for you. Inspire her to live an inexpensive and plain life by setting the example yourself. Try to lighten her load in the kitchen by providing the right kind of accoutrements so she may improve upon her service as a mate, companion and mother.
Eat healthful foods and maintain your body like an athlete. So that you may share a fuller, richer life develop common interests with your wife and children. Go out with her alone frequently and often with your children. Increase your daily progress with your wife in spiritual, mental and material ways to increase happiness.
Practice all the laws of morality with your wife. Share in positive inspiring discussions about music, writing, the arts and the truth in spirituality When your wife is busy with her personal friends or important work, try not to disturb her unnecessarily. Everyone needs some solitude and a time of aloneness to deal with the mountain of increasing stress in life.Never stay in the same room or encroach upon each other’s space all the Time.
Plan of Moral Behavior For the Wife.
That husband and wife may complete their needs for matrimonial joy. The wife should remember the foregoing rules and strive to live by the following ideals: In your intimate relationship make love the main aspect and through spiritual studies live with your husband on a higher ethical plane.
Keep yourself well-groomed, clean, neat, and attractive like when you first met. Make an effort to keep him comfortable. Make an effort to be economically thoughtful with your husbands earnings. Try to let him know you are doing this by different ways of saving money.
Give him more balanced meals with the right foods; fewer sweets and pastries, more raw foods, some chicken or fish if necessary but no red meat, pork or lamb. Tasteful and attractive meals has a lot to do with marital happiness.
Never use harsh speech or be a nag. Don’t ridicule him or speak ill about him to your female friends. Never mock or find fault with him in front of his children, in public or private. Don’t be sarcastic to your husband but influence him through your love and silence. If he morally wanders away, do not fight or nag him with sarcasm or bitterness. Reform him by exercising kind attention and great love.
Spiritual Behavior For the Woman
For those who are more spiritual and who meditate remember the following:
When he is at home be a spiritual friend and companion by writing, reading, singing, chanting and meditating together. By meditating together the deeper your love will grow. By your example you will win him by your exemplary life. Live less on the sexual plane and more on the spiritual plane of devotion.
Spiritual Behavior For the Husband
Meditate together every morning and particularly in the evening.
Read spiritual books together and offer devotion to God by chanting with each other. Keep a small family altar for the wife, husband and children to gather in deep devotion unto God.
The majority of young couples are attracted to each other because of their good looks and their common interests. For example the love of the same types of movies, sports and music or he or she could be a perfect business-companion. If you are excited and marry on impulse you can mistaken the pleasure of the senses for love and the beauty of good looks soon part after the good looks wane; a pretty face could then look pretty-ugly.
When marrying for money humiliation goes with the territory for the man and the woman will become miserable because she will never be gratified with her mate. Marrying for social position too usually end in failure. Only Pure love is free from conditions and it beautifies the body and the mind. These plans of behavior came from the teaching of Paramahansa Yogananda a spiritual master.
Some of the most miserable people in the world are those who are in and out of multiple marriages. One of the worst sufferings that the soul can know is a bruised heart from disappointment in one’s chosen partner. They never know what real friendship or real love is. Rather than making a sincere effort to mature spiritually and develop in themselves the soul qualities required to get along with another person, they find it easier simply to change their partner!
So many go through that, and it is tragic. But this need not occur if you take time in the very beginning and look for the right qualities in a partner, work on developing those qualities in yourself, and pray for God’s help and guidance in making the right choice.
The Spiritual Master always urged that person wanting to marry first get to know each other for a period of at least one year. During that time they should cultivate a foundation of divine friendship without a sexual relationship—a friendship based on respect for each other as souls, shared social interests and spiritual goals, and the desire to help and serve and be loyal to one another for life.
This is a very wise approach, because, as the saying goes, love is blind; and sometimes when two people make up their minds to marry, they are really blind. They are carried away by physical or emotional attraction and do not take into account whether there is any deeper affinity between their minds, hearts, and souls. When superficial attraction wanes, or is supplanted by a new attraction to someone else, there is nothing to keep that relationship alive.
Marriage is seen as part of a four fold plan for a God-centered life— a sacred commitment in which the selfish human love of each partner may be purified and expanded into unconditional love through caring and sacrificing for each other and their children. The ideal is that husband and wife should each respect the other as a divine friend and soul-companion in the mutual endeavor to live by dharma, God’s righteous laws that govern man’s well-being. That is the environment in which true love—love between souls grows.
But in human relationships, the wrong attitude to be guarded against is possessiveness. When there is possessiveness, when one partner jealously holds on to the other, this gradually suffocates real love. You can know that your love is turning into an unhealthy attachment if you find that you cannot let that person out of your sight, or that you are demanding from him or her undue attention, or if you are constantly questioning or doubting that person, no one can tolerate that. The person will start to feel, “I love him (or her), but I can’t stand to be held down like this.”
No one wants to feel controlled by another; everyone wants freedom and to feel that they are trusted and loved. As you yourself want freedom, keep in mind that your partner wants it too. Is it okay to marry a non-spiritual person? Do so at your own risk. “No, here’s why, there are many qualifications to consider before tying the knot. The most important one for an ideal marriage is if neither one is spiritual, man nor woman you should not marry that person; you will not be loved.” Love is not a human quality but God himself. When you feel love for your mate you have allowed God to flow through you at that moment; it is He who loves your mate, it is He who loves all people
Many people think it unnecessary to analyze what love really is. The mistake for the romantically involved is to marry on a physical impulse. As they become excited their senses peak and they mistake the pleasure of the senses for real love and are misled. When you marry for good looks, the beauty or sexual attraction soon part when the allurement dims the good looks wane and guess what? The pretty face gets boring and can look ugly. There are many wrong reasons to marry. What do common interests, marring for money, arranged marriages or climbing the social ladder have to do with love?From The Teachings of Yogananda.
